


To sleep, perchance to dream

by flightinflame



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Anxiety, Cinnamon Roll Dirk Gently, Gen, Illnesses, Protective Siblings, Transformation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-29 07:36:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17803769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flightinflame/pseuds/flightinflame
Summary: Mona is sick, and loses control of her abilities. She tries to hide it, but it becomes too much to ignore.





	To sleep, perchance to dream

**Author's Note:**

> (Thank you to Hellz for running the exchange, Intricatecakes for betaing, prose-n-scripts for the amazing art which is here https://prose-n-scripts.tumblr.com/post/182839131679/mona-is-sick-and-loses-control-of-her-abilities and the cutest thing ever! Lynds for the suggestion of a goldfish, and L for her cat that does actually beep rather than meow.)

"Todd? Todd I need you to come over here right now please."  
"Whatever." Todd sighed, walking over and frowning when he saw that Dirk was looking at a claw machine.  
"Please tell me a clue isn't in there, it'll take you forever to get it out."  
A look of guilt flashed across Dirk's face, and he shook his head.  
"Well, I suppose the good news is that there definitely isn't a clue in there. No sir. No clues at all."  
"What's wrong then?"  
"Well, potentially. Possibly. Maybe, Mona might have kind of climbed in to have a look and then got tired."  
"So?"  
"So she felt like napping as a teddy bear," Dirk explained, pointing at a small rainbow bear sat at the top of the pile of toys. "And I can't seem to wake her up."  
"You're telling me Mona is trapped in a claw machine?"  
"Only a little bit."  
"Well can't we just... leave her?"  
"What if a child wins her, Todd."  
"So... we what?"  
"We get her back?" Dirk suggested, then paused. "Give me a dollar, I need to grab her."  
Todd rolled his eyes but reached for his wallet.

****

Todd walked into the agency to find that Dirk was sitting at his desk with a pen in his hand, looking at it in a mixture of concern and distress. Todd was fairly sure that meant either Dirk was having another breakdown, or the pen was Mona.  
"Hey Dirk, hey Mona."  
"Hey Todd," Dirk answered before sighing rather dramatically. "I think something's wrong with Mona."

Todd resisted the urge to make any one of the numerous comments that sprung to mind, instead walking over and frowning. Mona was currently a pink fluffy pen, with a tiny Panic Pete doll perched on top on a spring that wobbled as Dirk wrote. Dirk was currently writing _hello_ repeatedly, in pale green ink.  
"What's wrong?"  
"She wants to be blue," Dirk explained, pointing at the ink. "It doesn't seem to be working."  
"What do you mean?"  
"Well, the ink is clearly green."  
"So can't she just be... blue?"  
"She is trying to be blue, Todd," Dirk explained, sounding a little exasperated. Todd looked at him.  
"You mean she can't?"

A moment later, the pen disappeared and there was a puppy sitting on Dirk's lap. She looked up at Todd sadly.  
"Meow?"  
"Meow?" Todd questioned. "Do you think she's sick?"  
"Given that her impression of a dog is normally a little better, I suspect so. Mona, dear, could you be a human for a minute so we could talk?"

There was a pause, and for a moment Dirk found himself faced with a child's doll, before Mona was sat on his lap. She looked like she had been crying, and she leaned in to hug him. He rubbed her back gently, shushing her and letting her sniffle into his shoulder. Todd frowned.

"What's wrong, Mona?" It hurt, seeing her look sad. She was normally very bright and bouncy, at times overwhelmingly so. She opened her mouth to answer, but before she could she sneezed, and there was a blue jacket resting on Dirk's lap.

Dirk pulled it on, leaning in to nuzzle his face against the soft leather.  
"She's a good fit, she always is."  
"She likes being your jacket?"

"Wearing our own clothes, when we escaped... it was our way of finding freedom, of proving we weren't there any more. We didn't have any money, and the universe sometimes threw help my way but other times... I like wearing colour. And she was always willing to give me that." He continued to pat his hand across the leather. "This is a lovely colour, thank you, Mona." He looked up at Todd. "She's always looked after me in her own way, even when it wasn't easy. I've always been lucky to have her..." He patted the jacket and took it off as the colours across it rippled for a moment, greens and browns and purples dancing over her like an oil slick. A moment later, she was a teddy bear.

Dirk looked down at the bear in concern.  
"That's... Mona, did you mean to change then?"  
The colours continued to change, but there was no answer.  
Dirk whimpered, picking up the bear and cuddling it to his chest, trying to make soothing noises. He handed her over to Todd after a moment.  
"What do we do? What if she's really ill, Todd?"  
"Could we take her to a hospital?" Todd asked, only for Dirk to look at him and raise an eyebrow.  
"With all due respect Todd, I don't think a doctor will have any more idea what to do with her than we do."

Todd frowned, but held Mona close. He hoped she wasn't feeling too distressed.  
"Let's get you a blanket, okay? I'm afraid you're not going to get our most comfortable blanket because that's you, but we have some that are nearly as good." He was talking to a teddy bear that was currently neon orange. A moment later she was a pale blue. "Here you go..." He tucked her gently into a blanket that had been resting on the back of the couch. "You're going to be fine, you just sit there and try not to be anything dangerous, okay?"

There was a pause, and then a small kitten curled up in the blanket. Todd watched her, curious as to what noise she would make, if she was feeling better.  
"Beep!" she squeaked at him, and he sighed slightly and tucked the blanket closer, reaching out to pet her fur. She let out a quick series of high pitched beeps as she nuzzled against his hand.  
"We're gonna help you get better," he promised. He couldn't know that, but he had to say it, because she needed to hear it. Right now she must have felt afraid, and he wanted to make her feel safe. She always took care of him when he was stressed, so he was determined to return the favour.

The door opened as Farah let herself in, frowning a little at the sight of Mona curled up in the blankets.  
"Dirk said it was urgent?" she asked Todd, and Todd nodded, seeing that Dirk was over in the corner flicking through some books.  
"She's not feeling very well," Todd tried to explain, as Mona beeped her agreement. Farah stared at her.  
"I see."  
"So we need to do something to help."

"We can make a list of what we've seen her do?" Farah suggested. "That might at least give us somewhere to start."

She fetched some paper and began to make notes, as Mona snuggled up against Todd's hand, her fur slipping momentarily into scales before returning to fur once more.

"Has anyone noticed anything else odd with Mona?" Farah asked. Todd raised an eyebrow, and Farah shot him a glare in response.  
"She fell asleep in that grabber machine the other day," Dirk pointed out. Todd nodded, as Dirk continued explaining.  
"And she ended up falling off the couch last weekend because she shifted into a blanket and totally overbalanced."  
"She was sitting on the kitchen counter singing nursery rhymes in the dark," Todd added. "I mean, technically that's not abnormal for Mona, but it nearly gave me a heart attack."

There was a sneeze, and Mona was sat there wearing a grey jumpsuit. She looked at Dirk with something approaching terror in her eyes.  
"I can't..." she started to explain, and then burst into tears.

Dirk walked over, wrapping a blanket over her carefully and shushing her until the tears stopped. He rubbed her back. Farah picked up a stress toy from her desk, carrying it over and then sitting on the other side of her.  
"I have some old shirts you can borrow if you want."  
"I might break them if I-"  
"I don't mind," Farah promised, hugging her. "Just give me a few minutes, I'll go and get them."

Mona nodded, sniffling to herself, and yawning widely. Dirk frowned at her.  
"Are you sick, Mona?"  
"I'm... I'm fine..."  
"Mona, you're glowing and floating two inches off the sofa."  
"Oh," Mona answered, and paused, before coughing.

The sofa was squashed beneath the weight of a small carousel, the kind that would normally carry toddlers. On it were various brightly coloured unicorns, and it revolved slowly, playing a haunting version of Eurythmics' Sweet Dreams.  
Farah returned with a t-shirt, and frowned when she saw what was there.  
"I take it that's-"  
"Mona, yes," Dirk agreed. "I don't think she's very well."

Todd wondered why Dirk seemed willing to consider 'accidentally turned into a carousel' as not very well, before reminding himself that at points Dirk had a rather startling talent for understatement.

"Do you think we need to take her outside?" Farah asked softly. "I mean, I don't want her to accidentally destroy the office."  
"I... I don't know," Dirk said quietly. "We have to stay with her though in case-"  
There was a sudden loud mechanical creak, and a moment later there was a goldfish flopping around on the floor, surrounded by the remains of the sofa.

Farah yelped, rushing to the sink and filling a bowl with water, as Dirk carefully scooped her up into his hands.  
"Here." Farah held out the bowl, and Dirk placed her down in the water tenderly, stroking his fingers across her sides. Todd watched in fear as she stayed still for a few moments, before she began to swim in circles in the bowl.

"We need to stay with her in case she needs our help," Dirk said, sitting down on the other, uncrushed, sofa, the bowl of water cradled in his lap. He kept dipping his fingertips in the water, allowing her to snuggle up to him. "She's..." His voice trailed off, but the concern in his eyes was obvious. Todd stared, sitting down beside him and resting his head on Dirk's shoulder.  
"We'll sort out something," he promised. He had no idea what they could actually do to help, but he wanted to find something. He tapped his fingers on the bowl, and the fish stopped circling, seeming to tilt towards him. "Look, Mona, we'll find a way to help, I promise you. You're part of our family."

The sensation of a goldfish cuddling up to his fingers was a new one but he smiled anyway, trying not to notice how slimy she felt.  
"Do you think that you can try and be a person, Mona?"  
"She is a person," Dirk muttered, and Todd sighed, having had this discussion before.  
"Alright, do you think that you can be human shaped for us?"

There was a pause, and for a moment there was a kitten sat on Dirk's lap, which looked up at him and said woof, leaning forwards to lick his face. Before she could reach, there was a lamp, and then a moment later Mona was sitting there, her arms around herself.  
"I'm sorry I'm sick," she mumbled. "I'm... I'm broken."  
"You aren't broken," Dirk said firmly. "You're just not well, but that's okay, we'll find a way to help. Do you know what's wrong?"  
"I'm tired," she explained. "I ... I didn't want to go to sleep so now I'm sleepy and I can't sleep..."  
"That's why you were singing songs at night?"  
"I thought if I kept myself awake..." Her voice trailed off to an inaudible level.

Farah crouched down in front of her, staring up at her.  
"You need to sleep, Mona."  
"But I don't want to hurt anybody," she admitted. "What if I fall asleep and then I make a mistake and change into something dangerous?"

"You haven't done that before Mona."  
"But I might..." She shook her head. "I don't want to hurt anybody..."  
"Why do you think you might?"  
"Because of what you said about Francis. He made monsters in his dreams, and I might turn into a dinosaur and eat you or something..."  
"We trust you, Mona," Farah said firmly, and Todd nodded.  
"You're safe now. We're all going to take care of you," Dirk promised, and she whimpered to herself, curling forwards to snuggle up against them all. She turned into a tiny kitten, with zebra stripes, and Dirk patted her.  
"Try and sleep, Mona. If anything bad happens, we can wake you up. But we can keep you safe."

The kitten yawned, tucking her tail around herself and snuggling into his lap. Farah joined them on the sofa, smiling at Dirk and Todd.  
"Poor thing..."  
"I told her about Wendimoor three weeks ago, if she hasn't slept since then..." The concern on Dirk's face was obvious, so Todd hugged him tightly.  
"She talked to us. That's good. We'll just need to keep an eye out," Todd explained, reaching out to pat the kitten. In her sleep, she purred in response.

***

Mona had been very worried about falling asleep, in case she hurt someone. She lived with some very kind people, who she loved very much, and she wanted to help them, not hurt them.

She'd never known what she was supposed to be. When she was younger, she'd thought that there had been a shape she was meant to take on, a form that she was meant to be, and when she was that everything else would work out. But it wasn't like that, she knew that now.

There were lots of things she was supposed to be. When Todd was scared, and couldn't sleep, she could be a blanket that settled over him and was soft and heavy enough to chase some of his screaming away. She could be a stress toy by Farah's hand, or a desk organiser, or a post-it note when something needed to be jotted down urgently. She could be human-shape to give Dirk hugs, or a kitten to curl on his lap when he was talking too fast, or a bubble when he was feeling lonely and needed to smile.

What she was meant to be wasn't a thing, with a fixed shape and a fixed purpose. It was lots and lots and lots of different things, to help her friends and to feel happy. She liked those things.

She had been worried about being something that hurt someone, and because of that she'd been sick. But her friends had looked after her, and now she could rest and sleep and know that in the end, it was all going to be okay, that they were together that things would be alright.

She woke up on Dirk's lap, with Todd on one side and Farah on the other. All three of them had fallen asleep, looking after her.

She smiled to herself, and then she flowed out, brushing over them and settling across them as a blanket, looking after all of them. For now, at least, this was what she was meant to be.

**Author's Note:**

> Wonderful art by pose-n-scripts: https://prose-n-scripts.tumblr.com/post/182839131679/mona-is-sick-and-loses-control-of-her-abilities


End file.
